"Spending quality time" is expressed by the happiness and satisfaction of each members of the family, and it includes parents paying attention to their children to be together as a family, understanding each other and feeling more love for each other, and need of creating memorable events that will never be forgotten.
"Spending time together " vs "Spending Quality-Time together"
According to U.S. psychologists Yueng and Sandberg, "spending quality time" refers to the time of direct communication with children and doing something together, while "spending time together" is passive time together without requiring any action or interaction together.
Although the general belief that it is good for parents to spend a lot of time in the development of children as individuals is believed worldwide, according to the research conducted by psychologists in England among fathers with children aged 9-11, the importance of quality time spent on children is shown to be greatly significant than quantity time spent together. Also, in a study comparing the amount of time American mothers spend with their children and their children's psychological health indicators, it was also found that it is not the quantity time parents spend with their children, but the most important thing is that mothers themselves need to be psychologically healthy and spend quality time with their children.
What do Children want from their parents?
"You will always be your child's favorite toy," said American psychologist Vicky Lansky. Because children's development does not need as many toys as we think. Children are happier when we spend quality time together while singing songs and reading to them. It has the most positive effect on the growth and development of children. In a word, the simplest yet most impactful toy is ourselves, the parents.
The Attachment Theory
Since the 1930s, English psychologist John Bowlby put forward the idea that the quality time, attention, and care given by parents to their children have a special effect on children's upbringing, development, and post-adult personality traits. The world began to intensively study how it affects.
John Bowley and Mary Ainsworth's main idea of attachment theory revealed that "the attachment process between parents and children affects the child's mental health and further personal development."
In more detail, intimacy is a close emotional connection between two people characterized by participation in each other's activities, mutual care, and a desire to maintain a close relationship. This connection is very important for children's mental health and cognitive development.
From the age of six months, the child begins to get used to being with his parents and close people
It also lays the foundation for trusting others, adapting to the environment, learning, and communicating with others during life. Researchers have found that the basic physiological needs of children, such as hugs, cuddles, eye contact, smiling and liking, feeding them with food, clothing, and keeping them in a warm and comfortable home, are important for the normal development process. If this process is carried out normally, the foundation is laid for feeling the emotions of others, trusting others, and loving them. However, the common symptoms of children who are far away from their parents or do not spend enough time with them are:
In terms of Behavior
Expressing their normal anxiety in a violent and aggressive manner
Do not admit wrongdoing in any way that violates the law or internal regulations
Blaming others
In terms of Control
Not being able to control their own behavior without the help of others
Unable to concentrate
in the inability to anticipate and adjust one's own behavior
In terms of their belief
Not being able to feel satisfaction from any task they have successfully completed
Consider themselves incapable of a task
Couldn't be happy and proud
In terms of relationships with others
Not trusting others.
Consider themselves incapable to maintain stable and friendly relationships with others.
Excessive self-control when interacting with others
in terms of Emotions
Not understanding your own feelings
Not being able to express your anger and sadness
Symptoms such as not being able to understand and accept other people's feelings are manifested.
Quality time research conducted in Mongolia
In order to study the effectiveness of the quality time parents spend with their children, 100 working parents were included in the study. On average, parents spend 8 hours of 24 hours resting, and sleeping, 8 hours for work and activities, and 3-4 hours watching television in the remaining 8 hours of free time. According to research, they spend 1-2 hours on the way home from work, 1 hour for meals, and 1-2 hours with their families.
Is the 1-2 hours that parents spend with their families really effective for the development of their children?
Unfortunately, it is doubtful whether parents communicate with their children or do something together in these 1-2 hours. Because working parents say that they spend at least 2-4 hours a day with their children on weekdays, but this time is not enough for the development of the child as an individual. 78.5 percent of parents explained that the time allocated is not enough time for the child to develop as an individual, and 86.5 percent are concerned with spending less time on their child.
Although parents know and realize that they should spend more time with their families, in real life, 44 percent of all respondents prefer work over family. Also, according to the survey, 65% of parents said they talk with their children about what happened daily, 48% about they talk about future life and dreams, 39% about how to choose friends and 24% about how they named their child. However, only 39 percent of 100 families eat together every day.
Let's spend at least 30 minutes every day with our children!
It's the quality, not the quantity, of the time you spend together as a family to build a healthy relationship. Parents surveyed asked if they could spend at least 30 minutes each day with their children. 85% of all parents said that they can, while 15% said that it depends on the situation of the day. This shows that working parents are able to spend little time with their children every day. That time can be anytime in the morning or evening and it can depend on your family situation.
Therefore, parents should gradually adopt the following steps for themselves and in their family's culture.
1. 30 minutes a day for yourself and 30 minutes for your child
Get used to being as productive as possible. Because a person can make time for others without being healthy and peaceful.
2. Father Involvement
Many studies around the world have found that father involvement has a profound effect on children. Studies conducted over the past 40 years have shown that children with highly involved, nurturing fathers perform better cognitively than children with less involved fathers.
3. Eating together
Family members should take time to eat together in the evening and each member should have time to discuss the events of the day.
4. Family Traditions
Create traditions that are unique to your family that each family member looks forward to.
5. on Weekends
It is good to spend the weekend with your family.
6. Everyday Small moments
Starting with brushing your teeth in the morning, you can do all the daily activities with your child with their participation. This is what brings parents and children closer together.
You can always talk to your child from an early age, be with them, do things with them, and ensure their participation. This is what brings parents and children closer together. If you don't talk to your child and learn to be with them from a young age, they will become more and more distant from their parents, and communication will become less and less.
Of course, children need the love and time of their parents. But even working parents can raise their children with love and care.